Good Habits to Pick Up On


Ever feel insecure in your relationship? And wonder if it’s “just you” or if it’s the relationship? Do you feel like you’ve reached a place of no return? Strains in relationships can be super scary. It can be stressful, and you may most likely feel helpless to the situation. It is hard to read your boyfriend or girlfriend when they feel more distant after the argument you had the other day, or the fiftieth argument you’ve had in the last month… maybe you feel like you do not talk anymore, almost as if you both have nothing to say to each other anymore. Or, maybe rather you feel as though the romance has gone to a level zero.

One thing I know to be true, in all circumstances. There is always hope.

If you, and also your man or woman, both want to make things work out, then you can. There is always a chance to fix things where they may have gone wrong in the past, if you are willing. If the relationship just does not seem “worth it” anymore to one of you though, then that is a whole different story. The moment you realize that things are all worth the effort that you may have to put in, is the moment that you can face your fears and insecurities, and dive all in head first!

I believe that anyone that is anyone has to have faith in at least something. Yeah, you may not have faith in the same things that say, I do, but everyone believes in something within their lives. Along with that, to keep your relationship alive when it seems to be on the fritz you must believe that things are going to be okay. Things will work out if you have faith that they will work out. If your faith meter is at zero, then chances are things will fall apart… and that will tear you apart. Being in a relationship is a choice. It is a choice made by two people, and it takes two people to keep it. If you know that you are the only one “still in it,” then maybe it is time to turn over a new leaf and start over.

If your mindset is on the optimistic side then you can look ahead, meaning not looking back on your past mishaps as a couple, and see the hope that you have in saving your relationship. Nobody is perfect, nor will they ever attain perfection, which therefore means everybody has been hurt by somebody at one point or another. It sucks very badly to be hurt by somebody, no matter how close you may feel to them. But, in believing in your relationship, you must let go of your past hurts and only look ahead. Obviously if you feel a strong need to talk through a past hurt that has really got you in a bind, then it is smart to talk about it in a constructive matter and work through it with your guy or girl.

Communication, communication, communication. We get no where without it. It is the most likely the most overused word in relationship articles or blogs, and for good intention and reasoning. Most fights or “misunderstandings” that happen between you and your guy or girl is because there was poor or even no communication. It is so crucial to talk through these “misunderstandings” with a clear and concise tone. Yelling will never get you anywhere. Even if you feel as though you are certainly right, no doubt about it; open up your heart, mind, and ears to hear what the other has to say. Do it out of respect for them. Be open to what they have to say always. Be open to correction.

Put down the pride and pick up a piece of mind!!!

There is always room to learn something new from your partner, no matter how long you have been with them and no matter how “smart” you think you are. Never stop learning. If you don’t understand something then ask about it. And don’t beat around any bushes. There are no bushes, just ask what you want to ask up front.

Where is the love? Well if it most certainly is not in your relationship, then get it back in there. Showing your love for one another takes showing affection and intimacy. If you are questioning whether or not it seems or appears like you care anymore, then throw some affection out there. That spells very clearly that you care. Physical touch is one of the five love languages, and a lot of people feel loved from their partner this way. A simple spontaneous hug can change their whole day right around. Even more importantly than your physical affection is your facial expressions and the way you put yourself on display towards your man or woman.

This means reacting in the right ways. This means not over-reacting, but smiling, displaying your interest when the other talks, being excited for your guy or girl, with them. I cannot even begin to express enough how crucially important this is. For the record, over-reacting is never attractive.

It is so true when it is said that “the small things will make or break everything.” Always smile, always practice joy. Always watch your actions and your reactions. Just… be happy!

Don’t criticize, celebrate each other. People hang on momentary things for so long that the things that actually matter in life begin to fade, and the arguing begins to ensue. Then settles in deception. Man oh man, how easily that can creep into your relationship if you do not watch out and stay on guard always.

For me, it has always been hard to put into practice this “nonverbal communication” that is spoken of. It has never been a strong suit or displayed to me by the people around me when I was growing up. It is something that I have literally had to train myself how to utilize, whereas some people just naturally have great nonverbal communication skills with those around them. There are those people that are so naturally “smiley” and approachable, and man have I envied those types of people in the past. I am a work in progress, but I will never stop trying to be better and better at expressing myself in this way; and I will never stop trying harder and harder to compliment those around me, because I realize just how crucial it is in helping me to maintain my relationships.

Making these things a regular habit is a must.

Trusting is Hard to do.


“Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe.” – Proverbs 28:26 (NIV)

A relationship that lacks trust is guaranteed to fail.

It is said that trust is an essential part of a successful relationship. There is a very strong connection that is made when there is trust, and this is what creates respect. Love and attraction are nothing without trust. But, what all does trust exactly entail? There is a lot that goes into building a relationship that will last.

Communication is everything. It will make or break you. Yeah, people hear this all the time in relationship articles or blogs, but there is a lot more that goes into communicating than just having dialogue with another. This is something I know, because it is something I lack. Facial expressions are everything. Nonverbal communication blows verbal communication out of the water. Without nonverbal communication, verbal communication always lacks. Disagreements or fights will bring a damper to communication. It is important to always watch what you say and how you say it. This is something to always pay attention to as you speak, and even as you listen.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:6 (NIV)

Support is also crucially important within a relationship. You have to believe in your relationship for it to continue to grow and remain strong. That entails believing in both yourself… and in your significant other. The minute you let one of these two things slide is the same minute that your relationship starts to slide- yes, in the wrong direction. Along with support takes consistency. And consistency does require some of your time. Not being able to trust your partner has to do with you not believing that your partner is reliable anymore. Working towards being a reliable outlet each day is going to grow consistency, and therefore support, and trust from your guy or girl.

Affirmation needs to come into the picture each time your significant other does something right, and even when they do not always do everything right. It is so important to compliment your guy/girl and to show loving kindness. Being genuine is such a gift to the people around you. Recognize your partner’s strengths, and display your appreciation, and affirm them in those things.

Growth should be a goal for everyone each new day. Growing helps you to change, and change always for the better. This will strengthen any relationship. Improving yourself is not only good for you, but such a blessing for your significant other too.

…”However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” – Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

Respect crucial to a relationship. When you decide to disrespect your partner, whether it be with your words, or with your actions, you just entered a ball court with much more consequences to go around. The split second that you decided to give yourself away to your partner before you were ready, disrespecting both your partner and yourself, and before the time was right… you just entered some unchartered waters. Keeping constant respect towards your partner only makes the “long run” so much of an easier and more pleasant pace. Practice respect from the start, and practice it in every moment, in every conversation.

Honesty is only possible when you have trust. Proverbs 24:26 says “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Success in your relationship is impossible the moment you are not honest. Keeping secrets from your significant other really does put a damper on the relationship, and both of you will feel it, no matter what is out on the table, and what is hidden. Trust cannot be made stronger when something is hidden. Being open and honest will do nothing but good for a relationship.

Romance is lastly, because it is crucially important to a relationship, but without the other things above, romance doesn’t even matter. Yes, romance gives a committed relationship its lasting spark, but you can forget about having any romance without having the trust and everything that goes along with it, first. Romance does, however, deserve a place, for it does help a relationship stay strong and stay spontaneous.

Trusting is hard to do. But without trust, none of these things can and will fall into place, and you can kiss your cherished relationships goodbye.

The Joy of Abiding


Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.” As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins. – James 4:13-17

In abiding in the Lord, we find HIS will for our lives, and our desires become His desires for our short lives here on earth. He has a master plan for EACH and every one of us, and it is a shame to me that some people live all of their lives without even beginning to live out their master plan. In our world today, we spend too much time thinking about ourselves, “ME ME ME”… and we completely forget and tune our of our heads until the very end of the day what our mission is as believers. Each and every person was designed with purpose, and those of us who already know the good news are called to share it with those that have not even heard. As Christian’s, we know that we are called to share the gospel with unbelievers, so what stops us from doing so? Is it pride? Insecurity? Comfort? Fear?

When we are truly abiding, all of these things do not matter. When we are truly taken away by the glory and awe of our Savior, none of these things matter anymore. So, if these things do still matter to us, then the question is: are we truly experiencing the joy of abiding in our Lord? I would think not.

The Lord’s heart is completely after the lost of this world. He wishes that none would perish, and that all would have everlasting life. It is our purpose here on earth to reach the lost and let the Lord work through us to reach these people who still have no idea of the glory of God. I mean really though, what else is our purpose here besides this? The Lord granted us life, that we might win the world for Him.

As carriers of the good news of Christ, our heart should become his heart. Every single day of our lives we should walk in this and not forget it. It is so beyond easy to become consumed by this world, and every single one of us is guilty of doing so. But what if we really got it? What if we really died to our selfishness and walked with Christ?

I have been challenged to get up, go out, and reach the truly unreached. I want to reach those who have never even been exposed to the gospel or had the opportunity to know about Christ. I am praying a lot for the Zero Zone right now, and praying about going on a trip to Turkey this summer. I am so tired of remaining in my comfort bubble. I want to get out of the bubble and take risks for the sake of the lost. I want my heart to be in tune with God’s heart. Because if it is not, then what good am I in calling myself a Christian??

I am nothing without Christ. I am merely just walking around with no purpose when my heart is not aligned with Christ. I am so sick and tired of walking around and not speaking up and not saying something or speaking into the lives of the people I come in contact with that do not know the Lord. I want to be salt, I want to be a light. I want to live with purpose and die to my selfish fleshly desires. I do not want to, at the end of my life, regret the things I have or have not done, but feel as if I did all I could for the Kingdom of God.

“And people who do not know the Lord ask why in the world we waste our lives as missionaries. They forget that they too are expending their lives and when the bubble has burst they will have nothing of eternal significance to show for the years they have wasted.” – Nate Saint, Martyr

The things I have noticed that can Make or Break Relationships!


I feel there are many different things that you could implement into your relationship to make it last, but there a few certain things I have realized lately that can ultimately make or break your relationship. I say these things our of experience, and out of advice I have heard from others. I must also say that these are all points that I am working on in my own relationship, and am by no means a master at any of these pointers. I say these things to challenge and push myself, and just hope it could be of help to others as well. When reflecting and realizing a lot of things in my own relationship, there are ten main things that I believe are an important within a healthy relationship.

1. Dealing with Conflict the right way– There is a difference between fighting and conflict. I do not believe there to be relationships out there that do not have conflict. Obviously fighting is no fun at all, but I do not find conflict to be unhealthy by any means. There is a fair share of conflict to go through when you are building in a relationship with another (especially with another that does not work or function like you do- but hey, opposites attract, right?). Conflict is not a bad thing. I believe conflict adds depth and growth to relationship. People out there who believe there is the ability to be in a relationship with another and not experience any conflict, they are living in a fantasy, fairy tale land. This is unrealistic. Conflict is pretty much unavoidable, so it should be handled with maturity. To deal with conflict in a relationship with another, you both need to both work through your differences, get on the same page, and if nothing else, just agree to disagree. When we are dealing with opposites, there are some subjects that ultimately you may just not agree with your partner about, and in these cases, you cannot leave the subject unsettled, but rather just agree to disagree, and move on with life! We cannot and must not hold onto the small things. The small things ultimately will destroy a relationship if they are not dealt with (I only know this from experience!). I believe that the ability to endure and take on conflict is a sign of a healthy and strong relationship.

2. Respect- It is obvious that in most relationships, you do not function, work and maneuver like your significant other! I think it is quite rare to see that couple that is exactly like one another. And, when you spend a lot of time with someone, whether it is your spouse, your boyfriend/girlfriend, or even just a friend, you get extremely comfortable with that person. It is sometimes hard to maintain a filter when you are talking with someone whom you are extremely comfortable with. You must always remember to respect that person as you would anybody else. It is so important not to lose sight of that person as an individual, who has incredible gifts, encouragement, and things to offer to the world. This especially goes for married couples (who have become “one”), but also can apply to people who are dating, we cannot forget that you are still two individual people. You must respect your significant other as an individual, just like you want to be respected in the same way. You are both two people who have the potential to balance each others differences out. It cannot ever become about competition, no matter how close and comfortable you feel around that person. You must listen to them, just like you want to be listened to. It is crucially important to accept them for who they are, apart from you, for the differences that they bring into the relationship. Their perspective matters just as much, if not more than yours does. Respect them and what they have to offer to the relationship, and what they have to say.

3. Serving each others’ process in this life- It is quite probable that you do not walk through the same life as your significant other. You both have different things that you love and are passionate about. You probably share the same big idea future goals in some aspect, otherwise you probably would not be together, but most likely, you have a different daily schedule than the other. It is very easy and human nature to be selfish (especially if you are new to being in a relationship and have only ever been used to being single, and only worrying about yourself), but it is very important to let go of this. You do things differently than the other, and you are working through a different process then the other. We must not only respect, but also serve each others processes in this life. You may even be in a different chapter in life then your significant other, and that can easily be very stressful. I myself have wanted to get married since I was probably six years old, but that does not mean everybody else in this world is anywhere near the marriage chapter in their life. It is key to be patient and to serve the process of the other. I should rather ignore my own process if I want to make the relationship work. It should really take compromise on both ends. Meeting in the middle is always the fair answer, but sometimes sacrifice is definitely in order to make things work!

4. Finding time amongst all the “busyness” to laugh- Laughter is huge! It is so important to find joy amongst all the “crazyness” that life brings. It can become easy to put aside any free time when your life becomes filled with a lot of duties and responsibilities. I have been told on multiple occasions by various different leaders that from this point forward, life does not slow down any. Life keeps getting busier and busier the older we get! But, it is important to still find time to laugh and play with each other! And- going along with that, it is also important to laugh off the things in life that may bug or irritate you about the other. It’s a lot more fun and A LOT less stressful to just laugh off the sillyness of the other. You can probably tell by now that in my own relationship, my boyfriend and I are quite possibly polar opposites! But, it is so important to laugh through our differences rather than hang on them and fight about them. Being able to laugh with the other brings an added comfort and security to your relationship.

5. Support and Acknowledge each others strengths- As humans, we all desire the support of another. Sometimes supporting the other just means sitting there and listening to them as they are going through something really hard and have chosen to talk it out with you. Sometimes your significant other desires nothing more than your support. They may not be seeking advice at all in a situation, but just want to be held and that’s it. Your actions speak much louder than words! I guess this one has two parts- because on another note, it is crucially important to support each others strengths. It is no good and not beneficial to the relationship to hang onto the others weaknesses. We must recognize and applaud each others’ strengths, especially after dealing with conflict. It’s called positive reinforcement. Sometimes after an argument, or a conflict, one, if not both of the individuals feel tired and run down, they need some positive encouragement to lift them back off! There should always be more positive than negative within a relationship. People can get by without another, it is totally possible, but having the privilege and joy of going through life with another is just getting the opportunity to gain inspiration and encouragement from their strengths, and hopefully offering the same thing to them with your strengths. In a good relationship, each person can fill in for the weaknesses of the other, and offer strength for each others’ weak spots! It is not a bad thing at all to remind your significant other that you are so very thankful to have them in your life!

6. Committing to finishing what is started- I am one of those people who cannot sleep on conflict. I hate going to bed when I have crud that has not been dealt with! Things just should not be left unresolved, in my opinion. But, on the other side of that, some people deal with conflict differently, and when they start getting tired, they would prefer to just deal with things later after there has been some time to work through some stuff. There are definitely certain situations and certain kinds of conflict that call for some space. Space is not a bad thing, it leaves time to process the relationship and to re-evaluate it. It is good to step away and get some air, as long as you come back at some point and finish what you start!

7. Honesty and Integrity- There is obviously only room for honesty in a healthy relationship. Hiding anything takes away from the “healthy” aspect of the relationship. There is no room for hiding anything, it just adds too much stress and it takes away the trust that the relationship needs to function! It is important to commit to being open and honest with one another, one hundred percent of the time. Do not be a goof off, if you have committed to being in a relationship with another, be in it fully (as I talked about in my last post) and live to a higher standard than the norm. Do not “sugar coat” anything, just be up front and honest, both about yourself, and about the other. It makes life and the relationship run a lot more smoothly. Conflict can only be fully dealt with when it is in the arms of open and honesty!

8. Challenge each other to be better everyday- In a healthy relationship, I believe that they other person helps you see things in a different way, ultimately they help you grow personally. Being attracted to someone opposite than you is by no means an accident. I find it to be really healthy, if you look at things from a good perspective. Your significant other should balance you out, challenge you in new ways, and encourage you to be better!

9. Take time to stop, be quiet, and just listen- This goes along with what I said earlier. Sometimes you really need to stop fighting it, you need to let your guard down, and just listen to the other. Whether you are sharing in an argument and do not agree with each other, or if they are going through something hard in their life and are sharing it with you, sometimes the best way to deal with conflict is to just keep your mouth shut and listen to the other. This is really hard for some people. I will confess that this is very hard for me to do. I always instinctively want to put my two cents in, but this is not the way to deal with things sometimes. There is a time and a place to just be quiet and listen while the other shares their side.

10. Don’t hold onto past insecurities- Past insecurities can really mess up a relationship, even break it. Insecurity tells you that you are not good enough, and that you will never be good enough. It hinders the potential your relationship has. Insecurity makes your vision blurry and ultimately just makes a mess of your once healthy relationship. Do not bring insecurity into your relationship unless you want to open the door to destruction. If there are things in your past that have a hold on your relationship, you really need to let those things go, and let them go for good.

Full Relationship or No Relationship


This could easily get deeper then where I was going with it. I mean this does not just go for friendship, for relationship within your family, for a relationship with your spouse, boyfriend or girlfriend, this goes for your relationship with God as well.

It is quite apparent and obvious that when you lose a friendship, either a high school friendship, or even a friendship with somebody you have known forever, that something went wrong somewhere. You stopped putting in the effort to make that relationship work, and you stopped making time to fit that other person into your agenda. It is really sad how often we lose friendships and do not care, or even really notice. I cannot say that I talk to all of my friends from high school, and it is not that I intentionally just stopped wanting to be friends with them, I just lost track of time and forgot to fit them into my busy agenda. This is not something that we can let get to us too much though, I mean the best of us do it. But, I also cannot say that I do not regret it just a little. I cherish the relationships that I have so very much, and would never want to lose them, but down the road we are bound to lose relationships when time gets the best of us.

How do you grasp the concept of having a “full” on healthy relationship with someone, when you feel like you have been raised in a family where half of your loved ones have mastered “no” relationship over “full” relationship? This can get dirty, because when you feel like you do not have the full relationship from those that are closest to you, your family, you tend to want to get dependent on others that you let yourself get close to. You cling to them and expect them to give you the love, time, support, and anything that your family lacked in. This is definitely not healthy. But how can you help it? You want the extra love, closeness, and attention from your boyfriend, because your dad did not give it to you when you needed it the most. You want him to be your everything, your literal superman if you will, because you’ve felt like you have not fully received the relationship you so much desired from your father. But, he will never, EVER be that superman. God is literally the only one who can be that superman, that perfect man for you. Even if you have an amazing family, and a full, healthy relationship with each and every member of your family, they will still make mistakes, and the relationship will still be tested here and there. God is the only one that will never let you down.

The thing that sparked this whole topic in my head was when I was thinking about relationships between significant others (boyfriend, girlfriend, etc.). I was thinking about why some relationships workout, and some do not, why some relationships last a lifetime, and some barely even start before they end. I mean, this could be a whole other topic to talk about, but sometimes when relationships do not work out, I believe it could be because one, if not both of the individuals, was not ready to commit to being in a “full” on relationship with the other. It made me think about being in a full, healthy relationship, and how much work and effort that takes. So, if you are not in a full relationship, what kind of a relationship are you in? Partial relationships will never reach their full potential, and eventually become no relationship at all, which is why I believe you can either have a full relationship with another, otherwise it’s bound to be no relationship at all. Full relationships take a lot of time, a lot of effort, a lot of grace, some space, and yes, some compromise.

When you are single, you are bound to be a little selfish when it comes to making decisions for yourself and when it comes to being who you are. You do not need to worry about others standing in the way, so therefore there is no need to worry about compromising for the sake of another. You are much more independent as a single person, and only have to worry about one, not two. So, do I think the issue could arise when you do enter into a relationship with another about you becoming selfish and unwilling to compromise for the sake of another? Yes. I mean, of course it is brand new for you, you went from only needing to worry about yourself, to adding on the load of another. Now obviously there is a healthy line, you do not want to be dependent on another, and you do not want another to become dependent on you, which can be tricky in a relationship, especially if you have been in a relationship for a very long time and become very comfortable with another. But, you do have give in a little. There is a difference between good compromise and bad compromise. Bad compromise goes against your morals, beliefs, and values, where as good compromise is where you find a healthy balance between your differences, and meet somewhere in the middle. People that are unwilling to commit fully in a relationship though, will have trouble meeting in the middle. Most girls wish guys could just read their minds, and do what they want them to do already. Most girls want commitment long before guys even start thinking about commitment. This is where it gets really tough and tricky. This does not mean at all that guys are incapable of full relationships, and I am not hinting about that by any means. But, girls tend to mature earlier on than guys, and it can become tricky when girls want commitment right away, and guys like to take their time and look at the scenery along the way first.

I do think it is completely right and healthy to talk your differences out right away. If you don’t voice where you are at, the other will never, ever know. The bottom line is, if you want to have a full relationship with those that you love, you must find a common ground in the middle, and figure out where you both stand and what you both need within that relationship. This is not just with dating relationships, but also in friendships, and in your relationships with your loved ones and family members. If both of you are not good at voicing what is one your mind, you could easily dwindle into no relationship at all with that person. I learned this with my dad. He is amazing and I love him to death, but he is very passive and not so much outgoing at all, and I have come to the realization that if I do not step up and say how I feel or make a move, then nothing will change. Sometimes you just have to be the bigger person, no matter how hard it may be. It is so crucially important to voice your legitimate needs. In Matthew Kelly’s “The Seven Levels of Intimacy,” he talks about how the seventh level of intimacy is legitimate needs, and the fact that we need to voice our legitimate needs within our relationships. Everyone is completely different, and has different needs. If we do not say what is on our mind, it will never be heard. It is so important not to hold onto things, but to deal with them as they arise. Girls always want guys to be the first to initiate conversations and to be the first to approach and open up when something needs to be dealt with, but a lot of times they won’t. Want to hear something crazy? Actually, a lot of times, they do not even know that anything is wrong. That may seem crazy to you, but a lot of times, that is actually the case. We cannot play games. We cannot sit there and wait until he (or she) makes a move, we have to just “man” up and initiate it ourselves when things come up. If we don’t, nothing will probably get solved, which will probably after awhile, make things much worse. This is communication, which is probably the most important thing to a healthy, full relationship.

If you wonder why you feel alone, and feel like nobody is giving you the full attention and relationship you want, you should probably be spending more time with God. I only say this from experience. I sometimes get mixed up and jumbled in my relationships. I try to place expectations where they cannot be placed. I try to grab special, extra attention from my friends, my mom, and my boyfriend, because I feel like I do not get enough from my dad and my brother, etc. If I do this, I’m searching in the wrong place for my lack. And, if we do not realize this, it will not be long before we do, because nobody is going to fill that void, nobody can. And we cannot expect them to. If we are having trouble committing and being in full relationship with those that we love, it is probably because we are not fully seeking God and fully being in relationship with him. “Fullness” is in the Bible many times… Ephesians 3:19 says “and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 4:13 says “until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” Colossians 1:19 says “For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him…” Colossians 1:25 says “I have become its servant by the commission God gave me to present to you the word of God in its fullness…” Fullness is huge, and we need it. We hunger for it, too. Full relationship comes from God, and God alone. If we want to be able to practice having full relationships with those around us, and if we feel like we aren’t getting the “fullness” that we need in our relationships, we must first check our relationship with God.

This kind of went a different direction then I had originally thought it would, but it has taught me a lot that I needed to realize in my own life right now. God wants us to first be in “full” relationship with Him, and then He will help us fill the void in our other relationships.

Philippians 2:5 “In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.”

Some of my thoughts on relationships lately…


My friend and I are seriously considering writing a book about relationships- this is a good way for me to jot down some of my thoughts on this whole idea of relationships and building healthy ones…

My opinion is that common interests can be part of a relationship, but do not and will not guarantee the success of one. Interests change over time. Every single day, relationships wear down, and people break up. Is it that people don’t feel fulfilled? Is it because there is not enough depth? Because they don’t feel like they are growing? Because they’re too lazy to grow? Why do people lose interest in others suddenly? Maybe we should be more focused on what holds people together. What keeps relationships, whether romantic or just friendships, together. The goal should not be to stick it out and make it work to stay together, but to define the purpose of that relationship. It is not enough to have common interests with another, that is not what holds people together, but it is the common purpose in life that they share.

I’m reading a book by Matthew Kelly, and he says that “relationships only make sense in relation to the overall purpose of your life.” In your relationships, you must find the purpose and glue that holds that relationship together. The goal should be to help the other in becoming the best that they can be, and for them to help you become the best that you can be. To be in a healthy, good relationship requires encouragement, challenge, inspiration… and consistently.

Proverbs 18:22 says: “he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” I believe that every person desires a wholesome relationship- a romantic relationship that will bring with it satisfaction and fulfillment for a lifetime. People do not date to break up, just like people do not marry to divorce- yet today marriages are constantly ending in divorce. You must come up with a plan. Healthy relationships do not just happen, they take work, and a lot of it. You do not just wake up and find a good husband or wife. There is a process that must be taken between two people. I believe that a friendship must be established before attraction should be communicated. A good foundation in a strong relationship relies on a great friendship.

Friendship is only part of it though- a big part of it, but only part of it. Guys- you have got to have some guts inside of ya to be able to communicate your intentions and feelings. Chances are, girls are not reading into how you feel because you are really good at hiding it! If guys do not have the courage to communicate their feelings, girls will move on from the situation to something else- something better, bottom line. I have heard this first hand from many single ladies! Feelings and romance can bring with it a lot of baggage though. There needs to be a firm foundation set, because without one, emotions will take over the entire relationship and over-rule everything else!

Relationships should be fun- yes there should be boundaries and intentions, a very strong friendship- but there needs to be some spontaneous and yes, romantic fun too! A healthy relationship should never get boring or predictable, in my opinion. But- and I think this is huge- the common girl, full of emotions, pumped and ready for the future, wants that guy, yes that guy. You know, the one that is full of surprises, always has something up his sleeve. Thee guy, that just shows up when you aren’t expecting him to, with flowers, something special, a song he had just written about you and for you on his guitar, even a ring maybe. His favorite movie is Pride and Prejudice… not all girls, but a lot of girls love to daydream about the guy that has enough courage to do just about anything to make his girl feel special. But… unfortunately, he ain’t comin’ ladies! He only exists on the TV screen. You can drool over Ryan Gosling, Josh Duhamel, Matthew Macfadyen all you want, they’re just characters, they don’t exist! But guys- girls do like surprises (well most girls), they love and hunger for those little spontaneous acts.

I think the people that just cannot make it work are the ones that in their minds think it seems impossible. People that cannot make it work define a healthy relationship in unrealistic and un-achievable terms. All relationships have their differences, all relationships have unresolvable problems, all relationships have moments where they will have to “agree to disagree.” This is unavoidable. Rather then feeling like it’s impossible, you should focus that energy on believing in it. You must make it a priority, you must follow through and have accountability. Biggest thing– you cannot do it alone.

“All great things are as difficult to achieve as they are rare to find.” -Spinoza