Monthly Archives: February 2012

Good Habits to Pick Up On

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Ever feel insecure in your relationship? And wonder if it’s “just you” or if it’s the relationship? Do you feel like you’ve reached a place of no return? Strains in relationships can be super scary. It can be stressful, and you may most likely feel helpless to the situation. It is hard to read your boyfriend or girlfriend when they feel more distant after the argument you had the other day, or the fiftieth argument you’ve had in the last month… maybe you feel like you do not talk anymore, almost as if you both have nothing to say to each other anymore. Or, maybe rather you feel as though the romance has gone to a level zero.

One thing I know to be true, in all circumstances. There is always hope.

If you, and also your man or woman, both want to make things work out, then you can. There is always a chance to fix things where they may have gone wrong in the past, if you are willing. If the relationship just does not seem “worth it” anymore to one of you though, then that is a whole different story. The moment you realize that things are all worth the effort that you may have to put in, is the moment that you can face your fears and insecurities, and dive all in head first!

I believe that anyone that is anyone has to have faith in at least something. Yeah, you may not have faith in the same things that say, I do, but everyone believes in something within their lives. Along with that, to keep your relationship alive when it seems to be on the fritz you must believe that things are going to be okay. Things will work out if you have faith that they will work out. If your faith meter is at zero, then chances are things will fall apart… and that will tear you apart. Being in a relationship is a choice. It is a choice made by two people, and it takes two people to keep it. If you know that you are the only one “still in it,” then maybe it is time to turn over a new leaf and start over.

If your mindset is on the optimistic side then you can look ahead, meaning not looking back on your past mishaps as a couple, and see the hope that you have in saving your relationship. Nobody is perfect, nor will they ever attain perfection, which therefore means everybody has been hurt by somebody at one point or another. It sucks very badly to be hurt by somebody, no matter how close you may feel to them. But, in believing in your relationship, you must let go of your past hurts and only look ahead. Obviously if you feel a strong need to talk through a past hurt that has really got you in a bind, then it is smart to talk about it in a constructive matter and work through it with your guy or girl.

Communication, communication, communication. We get no where without it. It is the most likely the most overused word in relationship articles or blogs, and for good intention and reasoning. Most fights or “misunderstandings” that happen between you and your guy or girl is because there was poor or even no communication. It is so crucial to talk through these “misunderstandings” with a clear and concise tone. Yelling will never get you anywhere. Even if you feel as though you are certainly right, no doubt about it; open up your heart, mind, and ears to hear what the other has to say. Do it out of respect for them. Be open to what they have to say always. Be open to correction.

Put down the pride and pick up a piece of mind!!!

There is always room to learn something new from your partner, no matter how long you have been with them and no matter how “smart” you think you are. Never stop learning. If you don’t understand something then ask about it. And don’t beat around any bushes. There are no bushes, just ask what you want to ask up front.

Where is the love? Well if it most certainly is not in your relationship, then get it back in there. Showing your love for one another takes showing affection and intimacy. If you are questioning whether or not it seems or appears like you care anymore, then throw some affection out there. That spells very clearly that you care. Physical touch is one of the five love languages, and a lot of people feel loved from their partner this way. A simple spontaneous hug can change their whole day right around. Even more importantly than your physical affection is your facial expressions and the way you put yourself on display towards your man or woman.

This means reacting in the right ways. This means not over-reacting, but smiling, displaying your interest when the other talks, being excited for your guy or girl, with them. I cannot even begin to express enough how crucially important this is. For the record, over-reacting is never attractive.

It is so true when it is said that “the small things will make or break everything.” Always smile, always practice joy. Always watch your actions and your reactions. Just… be happy!

Don’t criticize, celebrate each other. People hang on momentary things for so long that the things that actually matter in life begin to fade, and the arguing begins to ensue. Then settles in deception. Man oh man, how easily that can creep into your relationship if you do not watch out and stay on guard always.

For me, it has always been hard to put into practice this “nonverbal communication” that is spoken of. It has never been a strong suit or displayed to me by the people around me when I was growing up. It is something that I have literally had to train myself how to utilize, whereas some people just naturally have great nonverbal communication skills with those around them. There are those people that are so naturally “smiley” and approachable, and man have I envied those types of people in the past. I am a work in progress, but I will never stop trying to be better and better at expressing myself in this way; and I will never stop trying harder and harder to compliment those around me, because I realize just how crucial it is in helping me to maintain my relationships.

Making these things a regular habit is a must.

Trusting is Hard to do.

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“Those who trust in themselves are fools, but those who walk in wisdom are kept safe.” – Proverbs 28:26 (NIV)

A relationship that lacks trust is guaranteed to fail.

It is said that trust is an essential part of a successful relationship. There is a very strong connection that is made when there is trust, and this is what creates respect. Love and attraction are nothing without trust. But, what all does trust exactly entail? There is a lot that goes into building a relationship that will last.

Communication is everything. It will make or break you. Yeah, people hear this all the time in relationship articles or blogs, but there is a lot more that goes into communicating than just having dialogue with another. This is something I know, because it is something I lack. Facial expressions are everything. Nonverbal communication blows verbal communication out of the water. Without nonverbal communication, verbal communication always lacks. Disagreements or fights will bring a damper to communication. It is important to always watch what you say and how you say it. This is something to always pay attention to as you speak, and even as you listen.

“Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.” – Colossians 4:6 (NIV)

Support is also crucially important within a relationship. You have to believe in your relationship for it to continue to grow and remain strong. That entails believing in both yourself… and in your significant other. The minute you let one of these two things slide is the same minute that your relationship starts to slide- yes, in the wrong direction. Along with support takes consistency. And consistency does require some of your time. Not being able to trust your partner has to do with you not believing that your partner is reliable anymore. Working towards being a reliable outlet each day is going to grow consistency, and therefore support, and trust from your guy or girl.

Affirmation needs to come into the picture each time your significant other does something right, and even when they do not always do everything right. It is so important to compliment your guy/girl and to show loving kindness. Being genuine is such a gift to the people around you. Recognize your partner’s strengths, and display your appreciation, and affirm them in those things.

Growth should be a goal for everyone each new day. Growing helps you to change, and change always for the better. This will strengthen any relationship. Improving yourself is not only good for you, but such a blessing for your significant other too.

…”However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” – Ephesians 5:33 (NIV)

Respect crucial to a relationship. When you decide to disrespect your partner, whether it be with your words, or with your actions, you just entered a ball court with much more consequences to go around. The split second that you decided to give yourself away to your partner before you were ready, disrespecting both your partner and yourself, and before the time was right… you just entered some unchartered waters. Keeping constant respect towards your partner only makes the “long run” so much of an easier and more pleasant pace. Practice respect from the start, and practice it in every moment, in every conversation.

Honesty is only possible when you have trust. Proverbs 24:26 says “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Success in your relationship is impossible the moment you are not honest. Keeping secrets from your significant other really does put a damper on the relationship, and both of you will feel it, no matter what is out on the table, and what is hidden. Trust cannot be made stronger when something is hidden. Being open and honest will do nothing but good for a relationship.

Romance is lastly, because it is crucially important to a relationship, but without the other things above, romance doesn’t even matter. Yes, romance gives a committed relationship its lasting spark, but you can forget about having any romance without having the trust and everything that goes along with it, first. Romance does, however, deserve a place, for it does help a relationship stay strong and stay spontaneous.

Trusting is hard to do. But without trust, none of these things can and will fall into place, and you can kiss your cherished relationships goodbye.